It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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