dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize