Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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