Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
