Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
