not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
