we're blogging at a bar
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Terrible idea I love it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
