sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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