Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
