The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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