i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
