She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize