Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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