Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Duck Duck Cougar?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
