Hey man sorry I got all grabby
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
