I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
