I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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