She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
