I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just googled if crying burns calories
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
