I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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