Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
