im drinking this country out of the recession.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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