why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
