just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think people are normalizing furries
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
