My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize