someone owes me an orgasm
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
