I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
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