eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
