p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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