Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
