It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
