You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
