Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is the high leading the old right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
