p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
