I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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