I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
