Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
