Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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