big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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