I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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