actually, I'm a sock model
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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