Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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