It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Couch. On fire.
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