yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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