I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
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i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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