I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
