So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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