If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
