okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
