i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
