just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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