i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
