yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
