I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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