of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just forgot I was standing up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
