did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
