It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
