You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
