I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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