how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
