How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
