we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
