oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
