Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
farters have to be the big spoon...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
