Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You're like the curious george of whores
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
