who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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