Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
