does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
