he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you inspire me to be a worse person
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
