I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
