I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
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and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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