I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk is not a location!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
