I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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