i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
