We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She tied me up with her honor cords...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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