If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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