Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
