My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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