The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
