How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
