K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
