Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
