Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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